Trolls, only cute when they have little jewels in their tummies.

Most days I feel like I'm living the American dream. The one where I live in a cute little red brick house, with neighbors that talk to me over my fence, and birds that sit in the trees and chirp.  It's quiet, except for the birds and the occasional sounds of kids playing, and a few barking dogs here and there. The lawns are green and lush, and most of the women are stay at home moms that drive mini vans and smile at me every time I see them. So it paints a pretty picture, right?

Here's the ugly side of that pretty picture. Home Owner's Association (dun dun dun). These people INFURIATE me.

I was home in the middle of the day, which is an incredibly rare and weird occurrence (kind of like when you find a ball of hair in your cup o'noodles.)

So, I'm sitting down on my couch when......



the doorbell rang.



I sighed because I figured it was a solicitor. I got up, walked to the door and smashed my face against the little view hole thingy so I could see who was there.

Then,  I saw it.

Standing right. there. on my doorstep was a troll. A TROLL.  It's feet had loooong, yellow, sharp toenails. It's legs were covered in black, thick, coarse hair. The clothes it had on were filthy, dirty, rags. The long, muscled arms hung down to it's knees. It's mouth was set in a permanent snarl, and I could see the sharp, yellow teeth within. The eyes bulged out of it's head almost comically, except for the fact that they were terrifying. The large, bulbous nose sniffed the air as if trying to discern whether or not I was standing on the other side of the door.  It's hair was thin, black, and stringy, hanging to it's shoulders in limp, oily strands. 

It raised it's clawed hand and rang the doorbell again. 

I gasped and stepped away from the door.

I heard shuffling and then something slid under my door. I picked it up tentatively, and opened it..

I scanned it quickly and realized it was a notice from the Home Owner's Association telling me to edge my yard and roll up my hose, immediately. Well, that's weird. Why would a troll deliver this? Don't they have better things to do, like eat people who walk over bridges and terrorize medieval towns?

I walked slowly back to the peephole. There was a figure walking away from my door. It didn't look like troll though....weird.

I smacked my forehead with realization. Duh! 

That "troll" was just someone from the Homeowner's Association, delivering this EXTREMELY important message.

I guess trolls don't terrorize bridges anymore, they just threaten hard working people (who barely have time to eat and take showers) with legal ramifications should their yard not be edged within 10 days.

*Sigh*

Man, have we lost sight of what's truly important and worth our time and effort.

What's important to you? Have you become a troll?


It might be ok if I was one of these trolls, cause they can grant wishes and stuff.